Tuesday, February 28, 2012

social security

So I'm only able to share this now because I've had 5 days to recover & see how pathetic I must have looked but how faithful God is.

Last Wednesday Riley foraged websites & gathered paperwork to apply for Sol's social security card. He checked and double checked, organized the paperwork for me in beautiful military fashion, and even tacked a post-it on the front with directions and phone number for me.

Last Wednesday I called the SS office in Newburgh to verify documentation, directions, etc but like so many government offices I was transferred to recording after recording and getting nowhere.

Last Thursday morning was beautiful and the kids and I had happily played outside all morning. Thursday afternoon (after naps) I decided to load the kids and attempt this SS thing. After our 20 min drive I found a parking spot near where I thought was the SS building, but alas I had no quarters for the meter. I found a second parking spot in front of a bar where shady old men were giving me googly eyes and women were telling me that "no, it wasn't this building, it was that building over there but I could park down here instead." Oh, and I forgot the stroller. 30-45 minutes later of carrying Sol on my back in the Ergo (thank God I had that thing) and tubby Isaac in my arms up front (why didn't I think to switch them!!!) we found the correct building with 15 minutes to spare before closing.

Last Thursday at 315 I entered SS. After being told I was missing 1 paper and arguing that the website said what I had was sufficient and after talking to the highest of the highest and having Riley try via phone and many rejections later & blah blah blah...at 345 I packed us all up and was starting to head out the door when I accidentally dropped my keys. My fob split & plastic key top broke (don't ask me how that happened) & I ended up a crying heap of exhaustion on the floor with the sweet security officer apologizing to me and wishing my day to get better & my four kids staring wide-eyed at me because their mother had tears streaming down her face & a jaw as tight as a steel trap.

Fast forward to today- sweet Meghan kept all 4 kids for me, I was equipped with coffee & 2 binders full of every adoption paper & important document I owned. And while today's trip to SS took longer I think it was a success. We'll find out in 2 weeks when his card is supposed to arrive.

So, all that to say that there are definitely days when I want to quit; and I think "Why are we starting this process again? Our marriage won't survive the 2 stressful years of paperwork & waiting ahead of us. We don't even have all of Sol's paperwork in order yet. This is exhausting, hard, teeth-grinding stuff." Then God reminds me of the big picture- I see Sol and I can't imagine life without him and how he is worth every ounce of frustration & heartache that we endured and will endure. And I'm haunted by & burdened by & moved by all the other faces out there- peop;e worth fighting for. If Ellie, Saedi or Isaac were ever left as orphans wouldn't it be a tragedy if no one stepped up to mother & father them? There is great need & I can't walk away.



Tara Leap said...

Thank you for sharing! You are one of the strongest women I know and I'm glad to hear you are now waiting for his card. It's reassuring to hear another mother break down when things don't work out and youre exhausted. Miss you here in TN!

dawn said...

oh my goodness! oh my goodness! oh my goodness! How happy I am for your growing family! May you guys be blessed!