social security

So I'm only able to share this now because I've had 5 days to recover & see how pathetic I must have looked but how faithful God is.

Last Wednesday Riley foraged websites & gathered paperwork to apply for Sol's social security card. He checked and double checked, organized the paperwork for me in beautiful military fashion, and even tacked a post-it on the front with directions and phone number for me.

Last Wednesday I called the SS office in Newburgh to verify documentation, directions, etc but like so many government offices I was transferred to recording after recording and getting nowhere.

Last Thursday morning was beautiful and the kids and I had happily played outside all morning. Thursday afternoon (after naps) I decided to load the kids and attempt this SS thing. After our 20 min drive I found a parking spot near where I thought was the SS building, but alas I had no quarters for the meter. I found a second parking spot in front of a bar where shady old men were giving me googly eyes and women were telling me that "no, it wasn't this building, it was that building over there but I could park down here instead." Oh, and I forgot the stroller. 30-45 minutes later of carrying Sol on my back in the Ergo (thank God I had that thing) and tubby Isaac in my arms up front (why didn't I think to switch them!!!) we found the correct building with 15 minutes to spare before closing.

Last Thursday at 315 I entered SS. After being told I was missing 1 paper and arguing that the website said what I had was sufficient and after talking to the highest of the highest and having Riley try via phone and many rejections later & blah blah blah...at 345 I packed us all up and was starting to head out the door when I accidentally dropped my keys. My fob split & plastic key top broke (don't ask me how that happened) & I ended up a crying heap of exhaustion on the floor with the sweet security officer apologizing to me and wishing my day to get better & my four kids staring wide-eyed at me because their mother had tears streaming down her face & a jaw as tight as a steel trap.

Fast forward to today- sweet Meghan kept all 4 kids for me, I was equipped with coffee & 2 binders full of every adoption paper & important document I owned. And while today's trip to SS took longer I think it was a success. We'll find out in 2 weeks when his card is supposed to arrive.

So, all that to say that there are definitely days when I want to quit; and I think "Why are we starting this process again? Our marriage won't survive the 2 stressful years of paperwork & waiting ahead of us. We don't even have all of Sol's paperwork in order yet. This is exhausting, hard, teeth-grinding stuff." Then God reminds me of the big picture- I see Sol and I can't imagine life without him and how he is worth every ounce of frustration & heartache that we endured and will endure. And I'm haunted by & burdened by & moved by all the other faces out there- peop;e worth fighting for. If Ellie, Saedi or Isaac were ever left as orphans wouldn't it be a tragedy if no one stepped up to mother & father them? There is great need & I can't walk away.


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