This One's About Me

OK...no pics of my cute girlies today. This one's about me and all that I've been learning about myself. I need to write out my thoughts on this topic, and maybe you'll learn something along side me!

Have you ever read anything that helped you understand who you are? Currently, I'm skimming through a book called Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman that a friend of mine (thanks Patti) reccommended to me. The title speaks for itself- it's a book about women who have lost their mothers. It's a thick book, so I started with the chapter that intrigued me the most. I jumped all the way to the back of the book and began reading the next to last chapter entitled "The Daughter Becomes a Mother: Extending the Line." I wanted to know how my experience with losing my mom will affect my parenting. From there, I was so enthralled that this book was explaining so much of me & all that I haven't expressed before that I finished the last chapter as well.

Here are some truths about myself (for better or worse) that I believe Hope Edelman has nailed:

• 1. I would say I have a "whole again" feeling since having children of my own- they allow me to reconnect with my mother (knowing that she went through those feelings with me), & in doing so regain a small part of the original mother-daughter relationship (p268)
• 2. Pregnancy and post-partum are bittersweet because I rejoice in mothering my babies, but instead of mourning exclusively as a daughter, I mourn as a mother as well (mourns for what Ellie & Saedi are missing). More so with Ellie was the new cycle of mourning triggered. (275)
• 3. Benefits of using a doula- "She never leaves the mother alone, & that is an essential aspect of this"...the doula became the mothering figure for me. "I never realized how much nurturing I needed until I had the experience...Your trust in me & your support at that time have made me realize I can do anything I want to in my life." (277)
• 4. A belief that I must be aware of my own limits to succeed (294)
• 5. I set explicit goals for myself & become determined to achieve them before my time runs out (294)
• 6. Feelings of, "I know that if my mother had been alive..." have caused me to become brave & independent.
• 7. Need for distraction through lots of activity & consistent achievement (303)
• 8. Desire to honor mom through achieving what she never had a chance to achieve for herself (304)
• 9. Have a "diminished sense of crisis" because things often feel minor in comparison to losing my mom
• 10. By creating a productive & satisfying life for myself I can attach meaning to my mom's death- "she did not die for naught" (309)
• 11. The courage to journey alone: "I feel very much that home is a state of mind, and that it goes with you. I nest with great enthusiasm when I land somewhere, but it's just as easy for me to pack up and move on." (303)